The cycle race competitors, a varied lot at heart, were making preparations for the tournament to start
The BMX is painted green and has an owner who is tall, he looks as if he’s waiting for an accident to befall.
The cycle that is painted blue is a butchers prototype, the rider being a squat young man smoking a Gandalf pipe.
The chap wearing a purple cap is a bony, hairy, fellow, he is jittery and nervous and his tandems painted yellow.
The person who has the penny farthing is polite and rather posh, he doffs his cap and says good day, he must have loads of dosh
On my right is a guy called Geordie, a bloke that I know well, we had raced before together and he cycles like a gazelle.
The final person racing looks rather like a bird, a tricycle he is riding he is a stupid nerd
The judge asks us to line up well behind our bikes, we push and shove to get in place, I’m first to my delight
Behind me came young Geordie, then Mr Green and Mr Blue, Mr Bird and Mr Yellow were almost the final two.
Mr Posh, in all this bustle was shoved right to the back. But still he kept on waving and doffing of his silly cap
On bated breath we waited, taking our starting stance, our ears alert for that pistol I was in my pre-race trance.
On the crack of the gun we started, a mad scramble to begin the race, we pushed and we shoved quite fiercely to make sure we were in first place.
In all this hustle and bustle Mr Bird was pushed to the ground, but Mr Posh stopped and helped him, a gentleman so profound.
Geordie reached his bike first, but I needed that hundred quid So I started pedalling before mounting and went into a little skid.
We’re almost level at take-off, but I have my honour to defend. I pedalled fast and passed him I’m in the lead at the first bend.
Behind us is blue rider huffing and puffing to keep up, but the butchers bike was unsteady and his chain had gotten stuck.
Mr Green was pedalling his BMX as if being chased by the proverbial devil. Mr Yellows approach was to wobble but with Mr Green he remained level
Mr Posh still smiling and waving, was in front of Mr Bird, as the tricycle made a huge effort an unfortunate incident occurred.
The Tricycles front wheel detached and spun off on its own, it overtook the bike in front, and continued all alone.
The second bend was meant to separate the grownups from the kids, Geordie and me we rode it well but Mr Green turned it into a skid.
The next long straight was a gift to us and Geordie nosed ahead ,he gave a whoop and raised his fist, but road off the track instead.
Mr Posh on his penny farthing continued to doff his cap, the spectators all waved back to him and started to stomp and clap.
Mr Yellow on his tandem had fallen so many times, he was disqualified for walking the course and given a hefty fine
The third bend was looming and I was in the lead, but Geordie was close behind me, nipping at me heel.
The final bend came quickly, and me and Geordie were neck and neck, Mr Posh we could see in the distance a tiny little spec.
We turned to smile at each other wondering who was going to win, when whoosh we were overtaken. By something that was small and thin,.
To our consternation it seemed to be unreal, what had bloody passed us, was the blinkin tricycle wheel.