Edward James Vincent Van Pugh was a depraved and vulgar lord
His excesses have, to say the least stopped him from being bored
His shape resembled a spinning top, his fair hair dishevelled and smelly,
his tiny feet clothed in toeless socks, not seen because of his belly.
He indulged every evening alone and unhappy on good wine and food aplenty,
And through indulging in these depravities his coffers were getting empty.
His garb, no better than the filthy rags his maid throws out with the slop.
Had a smell of eye watering intensity that caused peoples breathing to stop.
Edward woke up late one morning, after eating like a beast from a fable,
he had slept where he ate, like a pig in a trough but at the dining table
Brandy had flowed like tap water, and port had swamped over the floor,
Eddy had imbibed all these rations as if he was a party of four.
That morning on daring to enter the room, the servants, those that were left, screamed in horror at what they perceived. And had cried out as if much bereft.
They saw their master and lord of the house, had turned a terrible hue,
To everyone’s sorrow our Eddy skin had transmuted to become a bright blue.
They scrubbed him and sluiced him and covered him in oil,
They wrapped him in paper and aluminium foil
they scraped at his skin even tried a flame thrower,
Bur poor Mr Pugh still looked like a cornflower.
Over the years he mended his ways, and was the brightest and friendliest fellow,
the weight was diminished, the smell had dissolved, Lord Eddy had become somewhat mellow
But there was nothing to do to repair his skins hue,
Edward Vincent Van Pugh remained Blue.